Friday, August 3, 2007

Don't Come Knockin' On My Door!

I have something disgusting to report to you today. Are you ready??? It’s quite gross.

You know how some things in life you’re better off never knowing? Like what happens to raw sewage?

Well, this is one of those things that I wish I never knew. Most of y’all know about our precious little cockatiel that you can read about here. I sadly can no longer use her name in any of my posts, so for this reason I will now refer to her as L. Now let me tell you why I can no longer use her name - and the reason is exceptionally disturbing.

There apparently is a teenage star of ill repute that also goes by the same name. That’s right, she’s a teenage p *r n star named Little L *p e!

How did I discover this? Occasionally I like to go into statcounter to take a look at activity on my blog and see what kind of searches are being done to find Lavender Chick. You know – I have an inquiring mind. I have been noticing a plethora of google searches for Little L*p e. Out of shear curiosity (I get hit with that a lot), I decided to google the same thing to see why so many are searching this. At first I was so proud that so many people want to read about my little L! So I googled it….

WARNING!!! Do not google Little Lu_e! Please do not... If you do, the feds will bug your home and possibly arrest your husband. I repeat: DO NOT GOOGLE MY BIRD'S NAME!

I only wish I had had this same warning. When I was finally able to pick myself up off the floor after being entirely grossed out and disturbed, I went and gave my little L a great big hug and told her that I would always protect her and love her and never allow anything like this to become of her.

And now I’m worried that since all this Little L u* e activity has been linked back to me, Dateline NBC “Catch a Predator” is going to show up out here thinking that Hummingbird Farms is some kind of chicken ranch or something, if you know what I mean.

Hey Dateline – no chickens, just hummingbirds and lavender!

You know what’s worse? Someone from Dubai got on my blog after doing a search for Little L_ _e. My inquiring mind again got to thinking (danger!) and then I recalled that someone that used to live on a ranch in California, who happened to have a ferris wheel in his front yard, and who also recorded a whole lot of music, has moved to Dubai due to a little trouble he got into over here for – well, you know….


Ponder …..

So this is my message to anyone on my blog that finds me by searching Little L_ _ e:

GO AWAY! This is a G rated blog right here! SHOO, SHOO, GET OUT OF HERE!!! YOU DIRTY ROTTEN NASTY THING, GO AWAY!!! I’m calling Dateline on you!!

And guess what I do to people like you on my blog, even if you are the king of pop?

Well, first I channel my hero…. She always tells me what to do! And this is the advice she’s given me.

Are you ready?

Are you sure?


justabeachkat said...

Oh My Word! It's crazy. I've had people find me by googling the word "rubber" because I did a post about rubber gloves one time. Amazing!


Big Mama said...

Okay, that is the funniest and most disturbing thing I've read all week.

The most common search I get that leads people to my blog is "expired mayonnaise". I'm not even sure when I talked about expired mayonnaise.

LivingTheLife said...

Oh my...I think I'm deeply afraid...there is no telling what types of "lurkers" are out there...cos I talk so much...there' s no telling what I've said...I'm not EVEN sure how to check out who may have been searching my site...and maybe I'm better off not knowing! You know the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing...I must say you managed to have me falling out of my chair w/laughter though...poor little "L"....I betcha Lavender Mom was wondering what the "L" had happened...huh???



ang baylis said...

Okay, this is scarey!

I found you from another blog sister! I am so naive and need to be very careful! I am pretty new at this blog thing and I appreciated your post today!

p.s. I will be back to read some of your older posts!

Theresa said...

I don't know how to search for stuff on blogs, and I don't know how to see who's been at my site. I echo Livingthelife's comment, maybe ignorance is bliss! I'm sorry this happened to you, though, I can't imagine having to be that careful about using my pet's name!

TaunaLen said...

Oh my goodness, this is too funny. But on a serious note, I think you should do a tutorial post so those of us who aren't blog-tech savvy can figure out how the bad guys find us through google search words. Tell "L" that our Tiel, Oscar, says hello. He's quite the little gentlemen, though he does rather love the sound of his own voice.

Theresa said...

Sorry to comment twice, but I wanted to let you know that I tagged you for a meme. Can't wait to see the results!

Anonymous said...

That is a hoot. I cannot help but grin thinking about those dirty ol coots stumbling onto your blog. :D

Paige said...

I found you too! Glad to meet you! Stop by sometime! Smiles from Texas

Cote de Texas said...

Hi - thanks for your comment. This is so hysterical. BUT, if I were you, I would go back and remove the name L*pe everywhere you have it. Seriously. That was disgusting! I googled it because I thougth it was about raw sewage!!! Oy! Anyway - I'm loving your blog, too funny. My husband and I are driving home from SPI and we just had the best laugh about L*pe! POST PICTURES!!!


Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

What a crazy story that was! I'm amazed at that, but I guess we shouldn't be. It's a big wide world out there. hope you don't get anymore crazies around here.