Sunday, July 27, 2008

Helmet-Head Meets Clip-Head

I need help y’all. I’ve got big time bad hair. I actually thought losing weight would somehow give me good hair… I no doubt need to lose some weight, but I don’t think it’s going to help my helmet-head. Right now I have bad hair AND bad thighs.

Mom, I love you and everything, but when you get a new ‘do and told you look like your mother - well, you need the hair fairy to visit you real quick... Not that I don’t think my mom looks great; I’m just not ready to be her twin sister.

For years I got my hair done in Austin by Chris; he was awesome and knew exactly how to style my hair. But it started becoming a logistical nightmare trying to get to Austin. I work and live an hour from there, so figuring out how to schedule an appointment with a stylist that takes weeks to see, while my schedule changes every 2 hours, you just end up with a no-win situation. Although he was a great and talented guy, we had no choice but to break up. So, I started going to a young girl closer to my house. I really like her, she’s sweet as she can be and cute as a bug; it’s just that she’s not my Chris. She’ll do anything I ask her – and that’s the problem. You see, Chris would tell ME what I needed…. He just knew what to do and what would look best with my type of hair.

I knew that Chris was the perfect stylist the first time I went to my new girl. She said, “So what was your guy in Austin doing about your gray?”



GRAY? Are you saying I have GRAY hair?

She said, “Yeah, look at this. And this. Oh, and this… And look, here’s more.”

Okay, Okay, enough already….

Chris NEVER told me I had gray, y’all! He just did his thing, taking care of it by telling me he thought I needed some “low-lights”. As they say, a good hairdresser will never tell….

So anyway, you know you have bad hair when:

1. You go to work and Dee says, “Girl, you better go see if your guy in Austin can fix that!"

2. Jack says 3 times in one day: “Remember how you’re hair used to look when you lived in L.A.?”

Long before I was Lavender Chick, I was L.A. Chick, which is where I lived when Jack and I fell in love… So of course, in the eyes of Jack at the time, my hair was perfect. In fact, according to him, everything about me was perfect back then. You know how men are when they fall in love – you can do no wrong.

I could have worn a turd on my head back then and Jack would have said, “That’s the most beautiful turd I have ever seen...”

Fast forward a few years and it’s confirmed. I have bad hair. I’m forced to be a clip-head so that my helmet-head isn’t so severe. The classic clip-head look:

I am now what I vowed to never be when I was in high school: A clip-head. You see, where I come from, only pregnant women are clip-heads. Let me give you some history: When I was in high school, two of our teachers were pregnant. They were attractive and young teachers, although at the time they didn’t seem so young... Come to think of it, they were probably almost 20 years younger than I am right now (now that’s a horrible thought)… Anyway, I’ll never forget the day that my girlfriend, Sami said, “So what is it about being pregnant that means you have to stick a big ‘ole clip on the top of your head?” It seems that the pregnant teachers stopped styling their hair as soon as they found out they were pregnant; instead (and for obvious reasons, I’m sure), they acquired the rolled out of bed and stuck a clip in my head look.

Sami, Lisa, and I vowed right then and there, in 1981, to never be clip-heads… Even if being sick and pregnant warranted it, we would never take such drastic measures. I mean, come on – we would never ruin our “feathers” with a clip!

And now here I am.

I’m Clip-head Chick….

If you have any suggestions on what I can do with the helmet, PLEASE let me know!


Mary Kay said...

Lav Chick -

OMGosh! I think you look great. Especially when compared to all that bad 90's hair you saw on my blog a little while ago!

But I'm LOL at your great post. Last time I let a guy cut my hair it was so bad that Jim (now my DH) showed up for our 2nd date and called me Mark!

Big Mama said...

Well, you know that Dee is going to be honest. It's her trademark.

I don't think it looks bad, but I can't really tell with that clip. I feel your pain but I don't have a solution other than time.

Patriot said...

As a young high school teacher myself, I will make sure to never wear a clip in my hair! (I'm not pregnant, but they are so convenient sometimes!)

Painted Groove Girl said...

The things you can remember that I cannot....

Anyway, this is your own fault for going "local." Even though I don't really think you look bad at all, Melanie could also fix this.

Just like your wedding day is no time to be comfortable and easily breathing, having a convenient, nearby hairdresser is not necessary. In my experience we must travel long distances and go to great lengths to maintain.

And now I must go remove the damn clippy from my own head.

Penny said...

I think it looks just fine! I mean geez, if I had your eyelashes I don't think I'd worry too much about having clip head. The bangs are cute too!


Theresa said...

I don't do the clip thing either, so I know you were desperate!!! (I just think they are incredibly uncomfortable!)

I would say go back to your former hairdresser, confess your faults, and let him fix your hair!

Boyz3Mommy said...

I love your hair, ya big dork! It's way too cutie and sassy all rolled up in one. I WISH I had hair like that!!

LivingTheLife said...

Ok...first of all...I can't really help whilst rolling on the floor in knots from laughter!! Not from the from your funny crack me up! Clip head! Ha! Well, I guess you could always be a "headband" head...wouldn't that be worse and much more painful.

Honestly, I think it looks good...but I do not know what it looked like before, so your standards may be a lot higher than I can imagine. Hehehe!

I had to only experience one bad determine I will drive wherever and pay almost whatever for a decent hair cut...I have thick hair...and one of my "trouble" zones is the bang and top sometimes gets so heavy looking...I DO look like I'm wearing a helmet...the curse of having thick hair...but I will take that over thin hair anyday!

My bad haircut happened just 2 weeks before my daughters a gal that I had trusted for a while...she must have had a little extra "crack" that day...b/c she gave me a MULLET...swear to the was awful...and I had been working for several months to get the style I wanted perfected...and perfected it was...I just went in for a bit of a trim...and came out...devastated...deflated...and down right UGLY! I had to find another the same salon...mind you...b/c the manager saw me before I left the salon on that "lowly" day over 2 years ago...and agreed...I had indeed had suffered a tragic haircut. I had a new style 2 days later...but no matter how much I pulled, combed and babied my hair...there was no way it was all growing back as it was before the "Billy Ray Cyrus CUT"...but it turned out "cute" for the wedding...but believe almost 50 at the time...CUTE was NOT what I was going for...

Good luck...I agree with "painted groove girl"'re just going to have to go back to your guy in Austin...but I do agree with have killer eyelashes and a beautiful I doubt even if you think your hair looks bad...anyone else will notice with your gorgeous face.

Blessings...and good luck...

Quiltdivajulie said...

Since you and Chris parted amicably, would he refer you to someone else that might be more convenient? Maybe not local, but not such a logistical nightmare either.

What a fabulously funny way to share a serious problem!

Paige said...

I agree with Sami and by the way I have a grand assortment of chip clips. How would I ever get away with working out OR not doing my doooo! Lazy!!!!

I think you should get a do that is more of a bob or wedge - the back is a little shorter and then the front sides are longer and straight - I don't know what the heck it is called but all the cute little college girls that come over to my house have those type of doooos.

You need to find another Chris but in SAT. I had to divorce my little girl because of the same situation.

I don't think you look like Marsha but you do look different. It's not the Debi do I'm use to.


Lisa P. said...

If it makes you feel any better, Chris misses you, too. (And he really is the best hair guy EVER)! If you decide to come back, drinks are on me when you're done!

justabeachkat said...

Today's a clip day for me! A bad hair day makes the whole day baaaad! look great. Seriously.


Morgana said...

Good words.